So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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