alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
