Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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