Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
