I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize