That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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