When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
