He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
