is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
