Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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