I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
