Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
