Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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