He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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