Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
