just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
