I cockslap morals
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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