Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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