Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
