I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
time to smoke my breakfast
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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