She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
