I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
