Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You don't make any sense
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