yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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