3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
