biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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