i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
