i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
