just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
