Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i out mim tonsoeep
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
