I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
