I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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