I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
