i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
