He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
