Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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