kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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