why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
