the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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