guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
