Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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