My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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