Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
