Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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