Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
