lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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