No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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