it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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