All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
