our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
