It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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