are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
