You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.