I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.