That's when you crack a 10am beer
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
