he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize