I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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