That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
