So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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