i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
