it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
