I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
