I smell stomach acid.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
