We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
