Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
