So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize