Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
