i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
