I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
