So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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