You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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