I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
