youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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